In January, 2008, it was decided that I be given injections for pain as an outpatient, thus reducing the odds of me catching something during a hospital stay. With dealing with a compromised immune system, this seemed the prudent thing to do. It wasn’t long, however, that I became almost entirely dependent on Demerol for pain management. At the time, I was prescribed 150 mg of Demerol, with 75 mg of Phenergan to ward of the inevitable wave of nausea that comes without it—and I could get one whenever I “needed” it.
By March, I was receiving injections every couple of days. The nursing staff became increasingly alarmed, and finally notified my doctor, “Tim M. has received 15 injections in the past 30 days.” My MD was pissed! One of the medical staff determined that it was time to ascertain whether what they were treating was “chronic pancreatitis,” or addiction to narcotics. In order to discover the truth, a procedure known as an “endoscopic ultrasound” was scheduled in Denver, just a couple of months away. It just so happened that a Jehovah’s Witness Convention was being held in June, and I was able to schedule the procedure for the week before.
Why was I allowed to get so many injections? For one thing, my MD wasn’t aware at first that I had received so many, and when she did, she acted quickly in an effort to halt this now-apparent trend. For another thing—and the most important one—I was in real pain. I was in agony for months, and my blood tests showed enzyme elevations often enough that I was certain it was my pancreas. I learned that one can die from this affliction, and I became scared. It wasn’t long before Demerol became a source of solace; I stopped hurting and literally forgot my life for a day. I thoroughly believed that my pancreas was constantly inflamed and my pain was real.
I later learned that our minds have a way of really fraking with us...
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