By July 2010, I'd finally had enough, and the "mature" part of me decided it was time to do something about the Demerol. My options at the time were (a) go "cold turkey" and never get another shot again, or (b) go into rehab. Option A was not a viable one, as stopping Demerol suddenly is akin to quitting Heroin; the withdrawals would most likely kill me. Option B wasn't viable because I cannot be confined like that; I know to my core that I would mentally snap under such circumstances. So what could I do??
I hit one day upon an idea, a compromise: go on a gradual weaning-off treatment plan whereby I would gradually space the shots out, reduce the number available each month, and after a few months, reduce the dosage amount from 150 mg to 75 or 100 mg, with the goal of eventually going off them altogether. I knew this would take a long time, but I know myself well enough that I was certain it would work. So, starting July 1, 2010, I wrote and signed a new "standing order" reducing the number of shots per month and spacing them out at least two days apart, which was readily approved and signed by my doctor. I was excited! I was doing something concrete to help, not only myself, but my partner. I was on a mission, and I would move heaven and hell to accomplish it!
But I was not naive; I'd been through withdrawals before with other drugs, but they were a walk in the park compared to this one. What I decided was basically to trick myself into letting go of the Demerol. I'd already discovered that, without a shot available, I had no craving and no withdrawal symptoms! By signing an order preventing me from getting a shot until the expressed amount of time had passed, I would trick myself into riding out longer and longer periods between shots—at least that was my theory, and I was desperate. Would it work, though?
No comments:
Post a Comment